Saturday, October 3, 2015

A Subtle Form of Agression

Rinpoche Chogyam Trungpa
In response to hearing a story about the problems a woman was having with her drug addicted son, Rinpoche said: “You should never have expectations for other people. Just be kind to them. Just help the person keep moving forward, inch by inch, and be kind to them, invite them to dinner, give them little gifts, and do anything to bring some happiness to their lives, instead of having big goals for them. Setting goals for others is a form of aggression. Just be kind.”
Quoted in Start Where You Are, by Pema  Chodron, page 59

From Patricia: My 'hopes and prayers' for another are sometimes just 'hopes and prayers' that they will stop doing what makes me uncomfortable or unhappy. When praying for others, it is not necessary to suggest to God what God should do for that person, only 'hold them up', commend them to God and ask for them whatever we want for ourselves, peace, safety and well-being, and deeper faith. Caring concern for another, however, doesn't mean ignoring necessary boundaries. One can have compassion for a wounded animal, but don't get in the cage with it.


  1. Love this! Having children, grandchildren and now great grandchildren, I am always having great expectations for them and thus find myself being aggressive about what I want for them, interfering with what is happening in their lives. This is a great reminder -- Be kind. And that extends in every direction. The other extreme is getting in the cage with them because I want them to know how much I love them -- that is another form of aggression. It's a balancing act.

    1. Elena - and we know we can never want more or better things for them than God wants! It is another opportunity - and a great one - for putting self aside.