Ordinary Life as a Portal

Patricia Masters

When I was a child I had a recurring fantasy that went something like this. I crawl under my parents’ bed and in the midst of the various boxes, dust bunnies and other items kept there, I suddenly see something shining. I push things out of my way until I find it, a hole or opening in space, out of which light is shining. When I put my eye up to the opening I see an entire magical world previously unknown to me. I crawl through the tiny opening and enter a strange and beautiful world, where I felt deeply happy and at peace. Eventually I leave this world and back out through the opening, crawling out from under the bed and back to my dull, difficult, ordinary life, though just knowing the portal was there where I could find it gave me comfort. One day I crawled under the bed but was unable to find the shining door into that better world. I look everywhere, move everything around, but the opening is not there, and I am never able to find it again. But always there was the feeling that other better world truly existed, though I no longer knew how to find the way in.

As an adult, one year during the holidays, I was ill and feeling weak, stuck in dull and difficult ordinary life. The sickness was not the kind that required being in the hospital but rather one that kept me at home, in a low state of energy and frequently on the couch. At first I thought it would be a short time before I was better, so I indulged myself and watch a lot of television, did some light weight reading, just waiting to be better. I could not leave the house to go to morning Mass, as was my regular habit; I gave up daily prayer time also, except in the most nominal way. When I was still not much better after three weeks, restlessness and frustration increased. The less I did that was good for me, the less I wanted to do. Though there were days when I could have managed it, I even stopped going to Sunday Mass. I just put everything on hold until the body felt better. But being ‘on hold’ unfortunately removes us from the present moment, where God is found, and pretty soon we lose the big picture.

Remembering Sister Wendy Beckett’s admonition that prayer is “the simplest thing going”, and that if you want to pray, you are praying, one day I just sat down, lit a candle, and brought myself before God. 

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