Threshold of Grace

 Brennan Manning

In Chapel that day I saw my life as vitiated by pride, by the inordinate desire to be liked, loved, approved, applauded, and accepted. Even though I had done well, my motives were peeled away to reveal complete self-centered yuck. Can you be a self-centered chicken coop builder? Can a water carrier be stuck on himself? The answer I heard was a resounding and humbling "Yes!" That old desire to be liked had reared its ugly head. ...  I thought maybe I had grown out of it or beyond it, but I had not. I was devastated; everything felt self-centered instead of Christ focused. I felt like my life was a waste, and it made me physically sick. I stood up from my ostensibly pious poster of prayer as I heard an old inner voice: 'He'll never amount to much'.

One of the brothers saw my exit from the Chapel and asked me what had happened. I told him, told him everything, about my disgust with my own motives and my thoughts of walking away from it all. In that moment he said a powerful thing, a life-changing thing: "You are on the threshold of receiving the greatest Grace of your life. You are discovering what it means to be poor in spirit. Brother, it's okay not to be okay."

How blessed are those who know that they are poor, the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.

Matthew 5:3

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