Death and Desperation

Thomas Merton

I am joyful. I like life. I am happy with it. I have nothing to complain of. But a little of the chill, a little of the darkness, the sense of void in the midst of myself, and I say to my body: ‘Okay, all right then, die, you fool!’ But it is not really trying to die, it just wants to slow down. 

The war scare aggravates it, this sense of death and desperation running through my whole society with all its bombs and its money and a death-wish. The colossal sense of failure in the midst of success that is characteristic of America (but which America cannot really face). 

A Year With Thomas Merton